I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
