When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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