apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
