I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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