i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
