next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
