ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
