You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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