O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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