Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
wrigley field is MILF paradise
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
