Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
