Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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