I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
smell my finger.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
