Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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