why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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