Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
