I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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