They should really pass out barf bags in church
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
