mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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