i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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