I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
