Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
