so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
