My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
