I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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