dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
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The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
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But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.