I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
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May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
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dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.