My room smells like vodka and shame
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
