4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
