Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
