When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
