I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
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The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
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Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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