i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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