Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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