Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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