The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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