i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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