I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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