oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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