it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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