Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
