Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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