Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i just had sex bonerless
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
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What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
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That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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