So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
