oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
