Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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