I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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