He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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