I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
