don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
