It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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