life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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