You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
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