The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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