do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
