I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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