It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
