Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
