Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
