My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
jump out the window naked night went bad
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
