You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
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I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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