so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
