Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
