Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So vagazzling was a success
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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