what day is it and did you see me today?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
