you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
