i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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