Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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