you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
