The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
why does every cop we meet know your name?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
