I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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