Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
