Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
