Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
How external is "for external use only"?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
