Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
