i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
