my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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