i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
