This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
