the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
