last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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