All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So much rum. So many feels.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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