I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
