I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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