I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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