Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We need to get me chipped asap
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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