he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.