I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???