What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner