Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.