Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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