Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS