smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
