It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just gargled with NyQuil
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me