i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
