Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
