It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
