Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
