Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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