i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
